Monday Night FLAW
by Marvelous Mark
Summary: Trust me, I really do like wreslting. But this is just a sarcastic tale of the wrestlers. Hope ya enjoy!
1. Episode 1

-1**Monday Night F.L.A.W!**

**Episode One**

The Fink enters the ring, carrying a microphone.

Fink - "Hello everyone and welcome to Monday Night F.L.A.W! Fucking-Loser-Ass-Wrestling!"

Random Fan - "Hey, shut the fuck up! You got a fucking lisp! Shut your fucking snake mouth!"

The Fink starts to cry uncontrollably as Jim Ross makes his way to the ring with a shotgun. He steadies the piece and blows a head stain on the mat, destroying The Fink's un-wonderful good looks.

JR - "BOOMER SOONER MOTHER FUCKERS!!!"

The crowd goes wild for the man with the lazy lip. And Jerry "The King" Lawler joins JR at the commentators table.

JR - "I see you managed to pull your face out of that hooker's pussy long enough to call a few matches. Hey, remember when you actually knew what a wrestling move was? Yeah me neither. I'll just sit here and read shit from my teleprompter while adding random syllables to words that are extremely easy to pronounciate."

King - "Yeah JR. I got puppies on the brain! I wanna fuck some puppies!"

Random Fan - "That's bestiality, mother fucker!"

Triple H's music hits.

JR - "Here comes Mr. Battleship, Mr. Monopoly, Mr. Chutes and Ladders, Mr. Candyland, The Game, Triple H, cause his name is three fucking H's!"

King - "Right, JR. And his wife has some huge puppies!"

JR - "Well, they're not dauschsands, that's for damn sure!"

King - "I know, they're Beethoven dogs."

JR - "What the hell is a Beethoven dog?"

King - "You know, the dog from that Beethoven movie."

JR - "That was a St. Bernard, it's not called a Beethoven dog."

Random Fan - "Do you fucks actually talk about wrestling, or perhaps, call a fucking match?! Triple H and Mankind are already in the ring and the bell has rung! Pay attention!"

Triple H and Mankind lockup, which would obviously look to go in Triple H's favor, but since all his muscles are just leftover titty implants from Stephanie, he's overtaken by Manny! Mankind kicks HHH in the gut and goes for a DDT, but HHH drops him with DVD and puts him in the STF and gives him some STD's.

JR - "Wow, that was a great combination of holds right there that was!"

King - "Huh? Oh, I was mesmerized by Mankind's puppies! I want some puppies!"

Triple H goes to the outside of the ring and grabs a sledge hammer from underneath the ring.

JR - "Oh my god! He's got a damn sledge hammer! I didn't see that coming! Not at all!"

Random Fan - "What?! He does that every fucking week! The fucking sledge hammer actually receives a fucking paycheck! Do you even pay any attention?"

Mankind catches HHH from behind and hit's a side Russian leg sweep on the concrete. As HHH attempts to get up, Manny grabs the top part of the steel steps and drops them on HHH's kneecap, which pops completely out of his leg and smacks into a fan's face.

Fan - "Oh shit! Oh shit! I just caught Triple H's kneecap! I'm gonna sell this mother fucker on e-Bay!"

HHH - "Wait, I need that!"

Fan - "Shut the fuck up! You probably got some extra kneecaps stuffed in that fucking elephant trunk of a nose you got! Suck it!"

From out of nowhere, HBK super kicks the shit out of the smart-ass fan and retrieves HHH's kneecap.

HHH - "Thanks, I don't know what I would do without you."

HBK - "Um… I actually didn't work here for four years… you did a bunch of shit without me."

HHH - "It was figurative, Shawn. Sheesh! Just grab a seat and watch me kill Mick!"

HHH pops his kneecap back into place and clotheslines Mankind to the ground. HHH picks up his sledge hammer and swings full force, smashing into Mankind's head, splattering blood and brain all over the surrounding area. HHH raises his hands in joy, but someone else's music hit's the arena and out walks…


	2. Episode 2

-1**Monday Night F.L.A.W.!**

**Episode 2**

As Triple H stands over the mutilated body of Mankind, the whine of awful disco music fills the arena.

Jerry "The King" Lawler - "Hey, JR, isn't that-?"

Dude Love walks out on stage, dancing.

JR - "What the hell? Triple H just killed Mick Foley! Who the fuck is this?!"

King - "It's Dude Love!"

Triple H looks at Shawn Michaels and motions for him to follow him up the ramp. As they make their way up the ramp, someone else's music hits.

King - "Who could it be?"

The King's questions is answered as Cactus Jack walks out and meets Dude Love.

JR - "This is getting out of hand! Who the fuck are these people?!"

King - "It's Cactus Jack and Dude Love."

JR - "Would you please just shut the fuck up! Mick Foley is dead, how could these mother fuckers be his characters?!"

King - "Maybe there was always three Mick Foleys…"

Cactus Jack holds a barbed wire bat in his hand while Dude Love carries a steel chair. They both look at Shawn and HHH with intensity. The fight begins! HHH runs up the ramp, sledge hammer in hand, swinging at Cactus Jack. Cactus blocks with his bat and the two start dueling like they were holding swords. Shawn Michaels is met halfway up the ramp by Dude Love. Dude Love swings wildly with the chair, but misses. Shawn dives at him with his elbow out, smashing Dude Love in the face. They both fall off the side of the ramp and continue to brawl.

Back at the top of the stage, Cactus finally lands a blow with the barbed wire bat. He smashes it into the gut of HHH, ripping chunk of skin out. Cactus Jack then proceeds to eat the raw HHH meat like cold cuts.

HHH - "You asshole! You ate part of my fucking skin!"

HHH slams the head of the sledgehammer into Cactus Jack's stomach. As Cactus Jack is crumpled over, HHH swing the hammer 360 degrees and brings it down onto Cactus Jack's back. The crack of Jack's spine snapping fills the arena. HHH starts to walk away but…

Cactus Jack - "You can't put me away that easy!"

HHH turns back around and sees Cactus Jack standing up. Well, not all the way up. Jack stands there, his torso hanging over his pelvis.

HHH - "What are you gonna do in that condition?"

Cactus Jack - "I'm gonna eat some more of you, just I like I ate your fat mama's crusty pussy! Meat from bone, bitch!"

HHH - "I'm gonna kill you, just like I killed that sweaty fuck, Mankind!"

Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels and Dude Love have fought into the back stage area. Dude Love grabs a plastic fork from one of the concession tables and jams it into Michaels' neck. Blood squirts all over the place as Shawn pulls it free. He grabs a lighter from a bystander and holds it up to the wound, searing it shut. Oddly enough, the bystander also had some Vodka. Michaels takes a swig of the Vodka and blow it over the open flame, sending a fireball into Dude Love's face. Dude Love's hair catches on fire, so Shawn smashes a chair over his head, putting it out. Shawn lays Dude Love on a table while he is dazed, and climbs up a concrete pillar to the rafters. From over thirty feet in the air, Shawn Michaels jumps, bringing his elbow down into the chest of Dude Love as they crash through the table.

HHH swings the hammer at Cactus Jack again, but misses as Cactus Jack ducks. Well, actually HHH just swung too high to begin with. Cactus Jack runs at HHH, and takes a bite out of his quadriceps muscle.

HHH - "Bastard! I need that!"

HHH fights through the pain and kicks Cactus Jack in the head. HHH pulls Cactus Jack's head between his legs, then hooks his arms and full force pedigrees Cactus Jack into the steel mesh of the stage. HHH gets up, confident that his job is done. But Cactus Jack gets up again!

HHH - "What the hell?! You're really pissing me off!"

HHH kicks Cactus Jack again and again until he is a brutalized heap of human flesh. Then, HHH drags Cactus Jack to the side of the stage, sets him up for another pedigree, then jumps from the side of the stage with Jack. They fall about ten feet down. HHH lands on his knees, blowing both of his knee caps out and into the audience. But Cactus Jack gets the worst of it. The top of Cactus Jack's head smashes into the concrete causing his brain to burst from his skull. HHH grabs a piece of Jack's brain and take a bite.

HHH - "Now who's eatin' who, bitch?!"

Shawn Michaels and Dude Love slowly start to get up, but Dude Love has a piece of the table sticking in his neck.

Dude Love - "No, this just won't do, man! I'm not gonna lose, cool daddy!"

Shawn - "Just shut the fuck up!"

Michaels hit's the Sweet Chin Music, which tears Dude Love's head completely off. Dude Love's head flies over fifty feet until it lands in a fans hands.

Fan - "Oh shit! I'm gonna mount this mother fucker in my living room! And then I'm gonna hang it on the wall!"

Shawn meets back up with HHH, as he is being carried out on a stretcher. The two of them leave the arena with a huge ovation from the fans.

King - "That was an awesome match, JR!"

JR - "I just can't figure out how the fuck there is three Mick Foleys…"

Tune in next week, for more "Monday Night F.L.A.W.!!!"


End file.
